Short Stories
This rewrite is in the style of Damon Runyon's Guys and Dolls. He uses ALL present tense, which is very strange. But interesting. Of course, there is also language and other style from Runyon. You should imagine this happening in New York City around 1930


by Emma Sohan

Corndog is a bum, that is what kind of guy everyone knows him by because he is living on the street. He gets his name one day when Short Frankie sees him eating a corndog out of the trash and being a very happy guy. This is such a funny thing to Short Frankie that he tells everyone about Corndog.

One day I see Corndog throwing a rat against the wall such as like he is very angry with the rat. The rat eats some food from a trash can which Corndog thinks belongs to him, but Corndog does not own anything as nice as a trash can. Maybe because he is not having any money, Corndog cares what is his, even though it is really just what he uses.

Corndog has no doll, dolls in this town liking money and places to live indoors, which Corndog does not have. Also he is not bathing and so he is smelling more than somewhat bad, indeed.

Corndog is not a rumpot, though I am sure he is taking a drink if he finds one in a trash can. And Corndog is not a real happy guy you have a long pleasant talk with, like one of the guys at the bar. He is just someone you see, maybe out of the corner of your eye, and who is ignored. But he makes no trouble, so he is not being a guy you get angry with either.

One day Corndog is walking back to his dumpster, when he finds it on fire and some gorillas are standing around watching. Corndog knows they start the fire, and he is angry at these gorillas for starting their fire in his dumpster, even though it is very bad business to be angry at people who carry rods and prefer to use them as not. But Corndog has little to lose, seeing as he owns only a few trash cans so his life cannot be that important to him.

So he shouts at the gorillas, mentioning things about their lineage and ways that they might spend time with themselves, and things will be getting really ugly for Corndog but then there is a police siren, so the gorillas run off. Corndog maybe is finding some liquor recently because he runs after the gorillas, which is a very foolish thing except that the cops are also chasing the gorillas.

The traffic, being as many slow cars as you will ever find in this city, helps the gorillas lose the police, but they are not losing Corndog because he is running like a crazy guy. The police are thinking they will sleep just fine in their beds tonight even if they lose the gorillas, but when they see Corndog run into a building, they say Why not? and follow Corndog and find the gorillas and put the sleeve on them. Corndog is yelling at them the whole time, being as he is so angry, but everyone ignores him because he is a bum guy and they are thinking about more important things like arresting and being arrested.

Corndog goes back to his dumpster, finding inside it a burned out skeleton, not looking very good and being very dead. Corndog is angry again about having to climb into his dumpster to clean out this skeleton.

When I see Corndog a few months later, he is looking like a normal guy and tells me this story. When he climbs into the dumpster, he finds a large gold ring on the skeleton. So he collects the money on that and lives in a flop house for a while, taking showers and buying one used suit. Then he accidentally finds a job washing dishes at Lindy's, so he is not a bum. But he is still being angry at those gorillas.

Short Stories