False Brevity
The book begins with the FBI agent studying a wedding from the distance through binoculars, looking for a mafia head. He can't find him. We get:
The procession had snaked all the way around the deck by now, past all the juiced-up goombahs in tuxedoes with purple shirts and their high-hairdo wives busting through their gowns. The bride sidled up to a table of old-timers, padrones in bolo ties sipping espresso, trading old tales. One or two of the faces looked familiar.
That's when the bride made her mistake.
(Patterson & Gross, Judge & Jury, page 5)
The next two paragraphs explain what her mistake was.
An awesome moment cannot be two paragraphs long. The authors solved this problem with a general description. It's a nice technique.
I will pull out a few hairs in honor of "her mistake". That implies the bride was creating problems for herself. "A mistake" would have been perfect and made the following paragraphs easier to understand. I should not have to say this: Make sure your awesome line is perfect.
The two paragraphs could have mentioned what the mistake was instead of just describing events. Actually, the first paragraph could have gone before the awesome line. (Patterson!)
Actually, the two paragraphs are followed by:
Then my heart slammed to a stop.
You arrogant sonovabitch! You came!
I am not sure how the authors expected to get three awesome lines out of one awesome moment. (I really am not a fan of Patterson.) Slamming to a stop can't be an Awesome Moment unless we know why; if we know why, it's too predictable. If the first line is eliminated, or added to the previous paragraph, isolation of the second line would have worked.
Is it okay to have an Awesome Moment about once a page? There is one more isolated line on page 6, one on page 7, possibly one on page 8, one on page 9, etc. It becomes a style . . . or an overuse of formula. With that many, I guess it's natural to treat them like soda crackers. (I should never analyze Patterson's writing.)
Summary
Can the Awesome Moment be a Paragraph?
Artificial Brevity
What if it Can't be Explained in Advance?
Awesomeness From the Character's Perspective
Can the Awesome Moment Be Missing?
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